I can see it so clearly—a brighter hope. My mind tells me something my heart could also hear. They be whispering something so loud yet I can’t close. I can feel it acutely, a delight into my chest knowing I’m being locked to these feelings—hopefully, for a day and night; perpetually.
Something I can not expound—either do my words. Feeling at once helpless yet be hopeful and awed by the idea of the 6:13. Dikala matahari mulai menampakkan parasnya. Dikala semua perasaan dan harapan baru muncul dibalik sisi tenang kota. It’s nothing but a yearn to be forever close to you, pandangku.
Aku sudah cukup kalut dari serba-serbi dunia yang membuat setiap persona berkutat. How can I persuade them that everything about him makes me feel alive after burning myself in the sourest lights? Aku tuliskan semua tentang dia dan apa yang bisa aku simpulkan. Give him my all when I too believe I don’t even have a cent of it.
Aku bercerita di dalam tulisanku, “Aku terjatuh. Sesuatu yang sederhana. Namun, aku tidak merasakan rasa sakit, lan sepeserpun.” Tulisanku, satu-satunya pendengar yang bisa aku ajak berujar. Aku ingat, di halaman terdepan aku menuliskan paragraf pilu dan menyedihkan, sampai di bagian yang mana aku mulai merajut tulisanku dengan tinta berwarna merah muda. Aku tidak ingat bagaimana ide itu muncul. Sejak kapan aku pernah bercerita tentang dia di dalam tulisanku? Yang aku ingat, I ever hope for a season to heal me. And it comes to me, much more than a season and a mere healer.
Entah sejak kapan rasa ini mulai berlabuh. Perasaan yang tidak umumnya aku impikan saat dia belum hadir dalam tulisanku. He is a season that comes to me beyond my grip, yet I’m praying and asking him to stay. My gazes were always on the screen watching how the season passed, but, I always plead and call on to whomever, “let this one remain forever.”
Terakhir, di dalam tulisanku, di setiap eja-nya. Aku selalu berfikir, mengapa di setiap saat detik-detik bertambah usianya, when the moonlight slowly fades, why does every good night we bid feels like we’re calling goodbye? Even though this feeling last temporarily, I still can feel your absence, my darling. And I realized, I want to keep writing about you—I want to freeze this moment into forever.
